What a difference today was. I awoke still in a funk. I felt drained and uneasy. Even though I could not put my finger on the exact why, I had the general feeling that it was still do to the mom. I could not stop thinking about it and the way that I felt. The reaction I had yesterday shames me a bit and I just could not wrap my head around what happened exactly. I was so excited about the prospect of changing the situation prior to leaving for the mom's house. I had high hopes and I was going to rise above and move on. It did not go the way I intended. Now granted there are many, many missing details from yesterday's story - but even had I included them, it would probably have read pretty bland and as though I am making something out of nothing. I understand this. I logically can see that I am being a big baby, but then why can I not shake the encounter?
As I do in every situation - good or bad, I ran everything past my husband during our morning coffee pow wow. He knew how much I was dreading the afternoon and how I had been anxious over what to do and how to end it. Being the amazing sounding board that he is, he listened to me drone on and on and on about how bizarrely bad I felt when I left. I described how my mood changed as soon as I entered the home, how insanely tired I became half way through (my friend had to make me espresso because I suddenly could not keep my eyes open or formulate a sentence), and how worthless I felt when I left. A feeling which kept clinging to my mind throughout the night and into this morning. I relayed a feeling of all the energy being drained from me. Ding! Ding! The idea hit me that maybe that IS exactly what happened. Maybe it was not the mom at all per say, but the fact that I lost energy. I recalled the one previous time that I had visited my friend's house and the fact that intense sleepiness overcame me then as well. The mom was not there at the time but still I felt drained. Maybe it was in fact the house and not the mom. Maybe it was both. Who knows and really who cares? The fact of the matter is that I feel drained after being there. I did a quick google on energy drainers and found lots of useful information and also a lot of rubbish. Amongst the good, I found some articles regarding wearing crystals to protect your energy. I have never really bought into that kind of thing in the past, but am a firm believer in the fact that if you believe something to be true long enough it will become so in your mind. I have also been keen on acquiring a stone or some such artifact that I can relay my sense of gratitude upon. Troy and I have been studying the law of attraction and gratitude is an idea that I am fond of. A crystal seemed perfect and the dual purpose made the stone in mind even better.
Marnie and I had some Christmas shopping to do, so off we went with a small detour to the New Age shop in our town. I was a bit apprehensive about going in - let's just say I am not a frequent visitor. The staff could not have been more helpful though and they did not make me feel like a moron. They explained crystals and stones to me and the different properties or 'powers' some have. There was this large tree like structure that hung dozens of stone pendants from it. The colors were amazing and I am a total sucker for anything shiny. Both shop keepers told me to concentrate on the stones and one would appear to me. The one I was drawn to would be the exact stone I would need. I looked but felt nothing. The female took a lovely green stone down - jade I think - and read me it's properties out of a book. It was nice but not right. The male chose another green stone which was also quite lovely but not what I was looking for. Then a stone began to glow - I shit you not - it actually glowed to me. I pointed and asked what that stone meant and after a quick flip through the book learned that amongst many other things, it helped you deal with difficult people and situations. It was to be my rock. Ironically my chosen rock was also green. I wonder if the two helping me knew I was going to be needing a green rock or if it was mere coincidence. I wish I had thought to ask. A silver chain, a fairy book for the girl, and $50 later we were out the door.
Is it going to work? Yes, sure it will. If I believe it to it will become what I need. I do already feel much better about the whole thing. I came home and cleansed the rock - and by cleansing I mean I washed it in water. I held it and thought about what I want it to do for me. I sent waves of gratitude from my ming into the rock. Then I went in the hot tub.
Hopefully this rock will do me some good. An interesting side note here: After returning home, I looked up the stone and learned some more information about it's properties. One mentioned was the fact that it has been known to help with physic abilities and communication with those who have passed on. Wouldn't that really throw a crazy twist into this experiment if I ended up being able to talk to dead people? We won't dwell on that however - let's move on to my act for the day.
A quick note before I start though - I have been thinking of what to call my experiment. All over the internet there is information about random acts of kindness and paying it forward, etc. That is not exactly what I am wanting to do here. It is swell and all but I am not doing anything exactly randomly. Every recipient is pre selected or at least the idea of them is. Every act has been planned out. As great as it is, there is no spontaneity here. Maybe that can be implemented in the future. As of this moment however, I have decide to call my acts Premeditated Acts of Kindness. P.A.K. if you will. I like this because the main change I want to implant into my life is the shifting of my focus. From negative to positive. From myself to others. Random indicates that little thought is put into the actual act. Planning ahead suggests the idea that you were thinking of that person for an amount of time and the joy you might bring them. Random is great and I hope to do that too, but I want to be much more involved than that and maybe a year from now I will feel a bit more evolved.
Today's act was a lovely full head of highlights on my very sweet neighbor, Leah. She lives a few doors down, has three very small children and loves to bake. I also think she is very alone. Leah asked a few days ago if she and the girls could come over to decorate some Christmas cookies with my kiddos. That is one tradition that we do not normally do at our house due to not eating sugar and baking gluten free stuff that is sugar free and has no chemicals in it sucks. Leah however has a Celiac sister and was up for the challenge. I asked her to come on over a bit earlier than planned so I could do her hair and she was thrilled. The afternoon was a circus. Little girls everywhere. Marnie, at seven, was the oldest by more than two years and Ethan was odd man out. There were fights and bruises were made from many a fall. But there was more fun than furry for sure. There was one questionable moment in which one of the children emptied out four bottles of liquid food coloring onto my dining room table and her clothing and the proceeded to sit on my red leather chaises - all whilst her mother was laying on my kitchen counter with her head in my sink. No permanent damage though and the child was allowed to live.
It was great though. I was able to spend a lot of time with Leah. I have been intending on having her over for a long time - since I met her, but have just not found the time. I think she needs a friend. And maybe so do I.
Stats:
Daily Points - 2 (on target)
Extra - 0
Bonus - 0
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